I always knew this day would come. Yet here I sit, woefully unprepared. Yes, that sounds dramatic, but I can’t stress enough the importance of a journal for me, and I suspect for most ENFPs (however rare we may be). And mine is missing (cue dramatic music and fainting damsel).
I didn’t realize the significance of this dilemma until this afternoon, as I tried to work through The Dreaded Chapter Three of my thesis. I sat staring at the academic articles before me and the computer screen in front of me, while about a million other thoughts danced around my brain. I’m pretty sure they were flirting with the amygdala section because I could feel my anxiety rising.
When I allowed myself to think about it, my anxiety was not due to school half as much as it was due to an upcoming work deadline and my mom’s impending bone marrow biopsy tomorrow. Oh, and I will be losing a large chunk of my job after December 31 (I knew that when I took the job, but apparently it is starting to get to me… I barely scrape by as it is, so facing the loss of a big portion of your income is huge).
Now let me explain something about ENFPs…we are the friends/significant others/acquaintences that hide our own feelings so we can help you feel better about yourself. Now, I am not complaining about this. It is what we do, and we are happy to do it. Some people think we are shallow or unable to have deeper connections. Not true. We feel. We feel a lot. We love deeply. but we need safe places to go to identify and share our feelings. And my journal was my safe place.
Those that are only peripherally familiar with Myers-Briggs might wonder what I am talking about since the “e” in ENFP stands for extroverted, not extra introverted. Why can’t I just talk my feelings out with a friend, they might ask. I suppose I can…if I had the time to see my friends right now! Plus, there are few I can be completely honest with. My journal is the friend that takes my vitriol, sweat, lust, tears, fears, and joy without my wondering if I should be ashamed or if what I just said offended someone. This is important because if I don’t have a venue for this ‘stuff’, then I can’t move on and be awesome (see my previous post).
I can’t believe I lost my friend. Once I’ve found her, I will try not to let her out of my sight…but I can’t guarantee anything, I am an ENFP after all! 🙂
The Art of Avoidance 